We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize