just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize