I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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