having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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