Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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