smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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