Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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