Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize