I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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