Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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