So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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