I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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