dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize