I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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