I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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