he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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