dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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