I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize