haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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