then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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