Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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