He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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