Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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