apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize