In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize