May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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