do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize