I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize