barbara walters just said penis...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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