Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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