If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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