He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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