I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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