I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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