roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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