Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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