he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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