Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
God I need to hump something, right now.
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