Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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