Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I did not marry a roomba.
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