I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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