Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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