I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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