break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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