In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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