i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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