He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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