Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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