a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize