It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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