I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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